Happy new year

MSN Astrology Daily Horoscopes offers anti-resolutions. Since this will be gone tomorrow (daily link) I’ve copied it over […]

MSN Astrology Daily Horoscopes offers anti-resolutions. Since this will be gone tomorrow (daily link)
I’ve copied it over (I assume the lawyers will be knocking on my door shortly, but a day without a cease and desist is like a day without bacon, I always say)

Make your 2002 anti-resolution

We all make New Year’s resolutions. Denying ourselves something makes us feel like we’re growing up, becoming a better person, resisting temptation. And in astrology, the planet that rules New Year’s resolutions is the ringed planet, Saturn, the cosmic regulator of all limitations and commitments to self-denial.

But you know what? Sometimes self-denial is overrated. This year, maybe an anti-resolution — a promise to do something as often and passionately as possible — will come in handier!

For anti-resolutions, we shift our gaze from Saturn to giant Jupiter, the planet where the action never stops. In 2002, Jupiter will be moving through Cancer and Leo — and sending you a personal signal about areas where you might benefit from being the most excessive.

Let’s take a look at how anti-resolutions will encourage each sign to live it up in ’02!

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Keep as messy a house as possible is your 2002 anti-resolution. Rams, it’s time to let the dishes stack up, use the floor as a hamper, and make sure papers and junk are cluttering every available surface. This state of affairs will encourage you to get out of your messy house, which will lead to meeting new people and help you evaluate how much of your junk you really need — and how much of it is, well, junk.

Your 2002 anti-resolution is to gossip more. Whenever the Bull is alone with a neighbor or two, speculate wildly on the comings and goings of the people you all know and encounter. This anti-resolution will ensure that your friends and neighbors will consider you an insider they should go to for information. Look for your loose lips to improve your social life.

Your 2002 anti-resolution is to borrow and spend as much money as you can, especially on long-shot ideas, dreams and complicated projects. What should a Twin do when money is burning a hole in your pocket? Spend, spend, spend! Your anti-resolution is guaranteed to reveal who your unconditional friends are, since you’ll probably be crashing on their couches by year’s end. But in years to come, you’ll have many great tales of your wild ’02!

Focus on gaining unsightly pounds is your 2002 anti-resolution. The Crab should eat five large meals a day, be first in line at every buffet, and don’t skimp on dessert! Get your clothes altered early in the year, or buy a new wardrobe. Your anti-resolution will give you an enlightened understanding about the importance of personality, and the superficiality of judging others by their appearances.

Never hold back what you’re thinking at any moment of the day is your 2002 anti-resolution. Forget social conventions and expectations. Leo, turn yourself into a walking, talking confessional and critic. Let it all out! Your anti-resolution will scare away those who just want to be around you for superficial reasons, while allowing you to blow off a lifetime of steam in one short year.

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Your anti-resolution for 2002 is to attend every possible social event, regardless of family or work commitments. Crash parties; invite yourself to gatherings; cross town to attend the smallest function and show up for the opening of an envelope. Your anti-resolution will improve your social skills and ease tensions with those at home, with whom you would normally be spending too much “quality time.”

Shamelessly and ceaselessly push your career objectives is your anti-resolution for 2002. If this leaves the Scales flirting with the boss…well, this is the year to find out what brand of perfume drives him wild! Smile flirtatiously at co-workers while you secretly plot against them. This anti-resolution is guaranteed to benefit your pocketbook, as you’ll either climb past your less ruthless colleagues or be dismissed and enjoy collecting unemployment.

Your 2002 anti-resolution is to latch onto a new belief system and preach it too anyone who will listen. Bring up the details of your new passion to people who don’t care and will never change their mind. Switch the conversation to your new found faith at any time, no matter how inappropriate. This anti-resolution will make sure that you’re singled out as a true believer by everyone who’ll claim to have known you before you “changed.”

Swearing off monogamy is your anti-resolution for 2002. This year, be promiscuous and adventurous in your romantic life! Practice your seduction technique on postal employees, delivery people and any other strangers who stray onto your path. This anti-resolution is sure to produce numerous crazy stories with which to entertain friends long after ’02 is a wild memory. You won’t be the first person who met their soulmate this way!

Look forward to your 2002 anti-resolution as the year of many partners. Goats should enter into as many relationships as possible, and pay no attention to your inability to live up to commitments. This is your year to go one-on-one with practically everyone: business partners, romantic partners, buddies, it doesn’t matter. This anti-resolution will benefit you by preparing you to take advantage of some much-needed solitary time in 2003.

Your 2002 anti-resolution is to disregard your health. Water-bearers should avoid doctors, diets and all health foods. Smoking and drinking are also ideal ways to wear yourself out, and ’02 is your year to see how tired you can make your body. This anti-Resolution will have dramatically positive affects. Many social situations will be created specifically to encourage unhealthy behavior. ’02 will see you make plenty of new friends to have fun drying out with in 2003!

You have the zodiac’s most mature anti-resolution for 2002. This is your year to take on more care-taking responsibility than you ever imagined. Baby-sit on weeknights, offer to feed the pets of vacationing co-workers who live miles away, and don’t forget to volunteer for every blood drive, bake sale and charitable fundraiser you hear about. This anti-resolution will be surprisingly good for your state of mind, as it will exhaust you so thoroughly, it will be easy to keep from wasting valuable energy dealing with your own personal development.