Giving feedback can be uncomfortable. But holding back and letting small frustrations simmer is far worse. When we don’t address issues head-on, we’re effectively planting seeds of resentment that will eventually sprout up in unproductive ways—through careless comments, sarcasm, or, eventually, a blow-up. Providing feedback early, especially if it’s direct and kind, can prevent those little annoyances from growing into larger problems, and ultimately helps everyone do better work together.
I learned this lesson early on with a teaching assistant who, to put it kindly, was essentially absent in every way that mattered. She missed key tasks, like taking attendance, and didn’t follow through on basic requests. For a while, I tried to just handle things on my own, thinking, “Why make a fuss?” But my frustration started to leak out—probably through eye rolls and strained patience—until one day, she went to my department chair and said, “I think she hates me.” And you know, she wasn’t far off. I had never voiced my concerns directly, but they were spilling out anyway. So, I decided to shift gears, setting aside time to give her clear, direct feedback, delivered with kindness. Almost immediately, her performance improved. She knew where she stood, what I expected, and how she could succeed—and we both benefited.
Feedback is a Form of Caring
In the end, giving someone feedback is like telling them they have spinach in their teeth. It’s a small act of respect that says, “I want you to succeed, and I think you’d want to know this too.” Avoiding feedback might feel safer, but as frustration builds up, it often slips out in unintentional, damaging ways—through passive aggression or disengagement.
This lesson came up again early in my career. When I was first hired at a new company, nearly everyone told me, “You’re probably going to have to fire Miss Green (name changed to protect the innocent).” What a welcome-to-the-job gift, right? I decided to give her a fair chance, since I was new to the job. I did a 360-degree feedback round and sat down with her to go over what she was doing well and where she needed to improve. She started crying, and I thought, “Great, here we go. It’s going to be a crying meeting.” But to my surprise, she thanked me. She explained that she’d felt ignored and disliked but didn’t know why. Now that she had feedback she could actually act on, she felt ready to improve. And she did.
How to Give Feedback Effectively
Getting in the habit of direct, early feedback prevents resentment from building up and creates a healthier, more supportive work environment. Here’s how to approach it:
- Act Early: Address issues as they happen. The longer you wait, the harder it gets, and the more it impacts your work.
- Be Clear and Specific: Tell them exactly what they need to work on. “Let’s aim to submit attendance by 9 AM daily” is better than “I’m frustrated with how you’re handling things.”
- Use “I” Statements: Own the feedback. “When reports are late, it affects my workflow” is better than a vague “You’re not meeting expectations.”
- Pair Honesty with Kindness: People respond better when they feel supported, so balance the tough stuff with empathy.
- Acknowledge Improvements: Follow up and reinforce progress. It shows that you’re paying attention and care about their growth.
The Case for Early Feedback
When you avoid giving feedback, you deny people the chance to get better. By addressing issues directly and compassionately, you don’t just help people improve—you prevent the awkward buildup of resentment and help build an atmosphere where everyone feels safe to learn and grow. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but it’s far better than letting things fester. So, the next time something small is bothering you, take a breath, take a beat, and then take a moment to let them know—before it has the chance to grow into something much harder to undo.